Surgeons have detected a slimey orange mass which spread rapidly through the body politic.

Previous attempts to excise the malignant lump have been sidelined by a secondary drug resistant infection.

As of today it has metastasized beyond the host into a late stage terminal condition.

Amputation has not been ruled out.

Here’s hoping the trump test comes back negative 🤞

God, I hate how accurate this is.

Very real. We know that we have cancer, the question is whether it’s in remission and we’ve got a chance to finally rid our body of it, or has it spread and metastisized to the point that it’s terminal. Can’t wait to find out! I’m sure I’m going to have a very productive day at work with this hanging over my head!

pretty sure it’s cancer, and if it doesn’t get us today, we’re probably not going to be able to cut all of it out

I should have called in sick today or something. I am not getting anything done and keep checking my phone like an addict.