So I know everyone is going to answer “yes”, but I want actual real thoughts. I just want to know where I fit in.

I’m AMAB, and present as male, at least on the surface. I’ve always felt that was wrong though. But I don’t necessarily think I’m a woman. I wish I was more feminine. And recently I started full body laser hair removal, and I have pretty long hair, and currently have my toe nails painted. But I also have a beard, and otherwise present totally as cis.

Am I “trans”? I don’t feel “cis”, but I feel like calling myself trans just isn’t accurate and is inappropriate. Is there any other option?

And a complicating factor is that I’m basically only attracted to female presenting people. I see a lot of mtf trans people posting online “t4t”. Would other trans people consider me “trans”?

  • Sneezycat@sopuli.xyz
    4·
    3 months ago

    If you consider yourself a male/guy no, you’re not trans. Why do you not feel cis? Maybe your identity lies in the non-binary spectrum.

    What you’ve described is being gender non-conforming, and while that can be a sign of someone being trans, it can also mean you just like some things that aren’t typically associated with your gender, and that’s fine too.

    • Fal@yiffit.netOPEnglish
      4·
      3 months ago

      Why do you not feel cis? Maybe your identity lies in the non-binary spectrum.

      Yeah I don’t have a good answer for this. Not do I know how to get one. I’ve kind of always thought I really was a girl, just too scared to transition or admit it. But very recently I’m questioning that. I don’t necessarily think I’m a girl. But I know that being a “guy” just isn’t right either.

      I guess I’m not totally even sure what “non binary” even means. Like, I’ve always felt like it was a cop out kind of identity. And maybe that is just more residence that it resonates with me and is something scary or IDK. It’s hard for me to accept what non binary actually means, and especially how it relates to identifying as trans. Assuming the non binary label fits what I am, am I “trans”?

      • WillStealYourUsername@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        3·
        3 months ago

        Non binary covers a range of identities. Some feel like neither man nor woman is a good fit for them, or that they don’t really identify with the concept of gender at all. Others partially identify with one or both of the “binary” genders. It can be difficult to understand a feeling, sensation, or identity which you have no basis for understanding or if as you say there is something stopping you from properly considering it.

        Like others I would recommend experimenting with your identity to see if there’s something that feels comfortable to you. Perhaps there are LGBTQ+ spaces you could safely join where you live? Or perhaps there are online spaces like this one you could hang out in? Reading and talking about identities can be very helpful. Check out the links in the sidebar as well if you haven’t already, especially the gender dysphoria bible.

      • Sneezycat@sopuli.xyz
        2·
        3 months ago

        Do you feel comfortable with people thinking of you as a man? Does it feel nice when people don’t gender you?

        I feel like the only way you’re going to get some answers is through experimentation. Try out different pronouns, do they feel weird? If they do, why?

        I knew I was trans because of my body dysphoria and because I “wanted” to be a girl, but I’d never felt like I was a girl. But I feel like that stemmed of a deep self-hatred, some transphobia and thinking I’d never be “good enough” to be a woman. After many years repressing it, I wanted to try though. And turns out it was the correct choice for me! It took me years to feel comfortable presenting feminine, but for me the discomfort of experimentation was better than “being a man”.

        So yeah, some people figure it out immediately, for others like me it takes years, but the only way to know for sure is being true to yourself and trying things out without caring what other people will say.

        Edit: oh, and yes, non-binary people fit within the trans label, although some of them prefer not to use it.

  • Balinares@pawb.social
    1·
    3 months ago

    All labels are imperfect, I guess. That’s the nature of labels: a shorthand for a complex reality.

    I don’t know if the “trans” label is or isn’t a good shorthand for the complex reality of your identity. But the important thing is: your identity is valid and yours, regardless of what labels you stick on it.

    If you feel that you are a woman, be that partially or completely, then congratulations, girl, there you go. Or maybe what you feel like switches back and forth depending on your mood, or maybe you exist somewhere in the middle. That’s valid too. There are other labels worth exploring in that space, non-binary, genderfluid… I suppose the only really useful thing here is to work out which ones resonate with you as a suitable shorthand for who you are.

    Oh and who you are attracted to is irrelevant. Lots of trans gals are lesbians. Doesn’t make them any less trans.

  • Mia@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    1·
    3 months ago

    I think what it boils down to is: if you could instantly become a woman, would you?

    I’m in a situation similar to yours. Getting laser (the beard’s already gone though >:3), long hair, trying to present more androgynous, but otherwise male presenting at the moment… regrettably…

    I consider myself trans because I’m actively trying to rectify that and if I was given the opportunity to magically switch, I would without even thinking about it.

    I would say expertiment a bit and see if something clicks in you. If it doesn’t, that’s fine too. You may be gender non-confirming, which by what you described would be perfectly reasonable.

    Or it could be that you’re just not ready yet. I myself had to remove a ton of mental barriers to accept this part of me, but when I did, it felt extremely liberating and obvious. But trust me, I struggled a lot getting there, thinking it couldn’t possibly be the case.

    So experiment, really think about it, and see where you land. If you’re not sure yet, repeat. You’ll eventually find your sweetspot, and it’ll be fine, whichever it is.

    Feel free to ask if you have questions.