I should clarify about the love part.

I would equate it to Stockholm Syndrome. I guess its like pets. They don’t have anywhere else to turn :(

Edit: fawning is probably the closest to the answer I was looking for

  • treefrog@lemm.ee
    2·
    4 months ago

    Yeah for real.

    I’m so grateful I had someplace to go to. My stepdad was not great either but he was much easier to cope with than my father. And my mom is my role model for compassion in this world.

    Unfortunately in my case the cycle of abuse continued with my stepbrother when my dad remarried. Which is why I have doubts about him really getting the message. And my stepbrother ended up moving out when he was 17 and couchsurfing through the rest of high school.

    Anyway, I made a edit to my post above. I just wanted to point out that we are the victims of abuse. Restoring the relationship is on the shoulders of the person that caused the damage to the relationship right. It’s up to them to make amends and rebuild trust. And without rebuilding trust there can’t be love. So, it’s really not our job.

    Finding compassion and understanding for everyone can still be really helpful though in that it can lead to deeper self understanding. Which requires kind of stepping back and looking at the factors that contributed to the cycle. But that doesn’t mean you need to let an abusive person into your life. Or feel warmth towards them. Even if they do try to make amends, it’s completely acceptable to just not have the spoons to deal with it.