I used to be good at time management and very motivated in my career. Then about two years ago I lost a close friend over a strong disagreement and then lost my job.
Slowly but surely I became a bit depressed and had some physical health issues. I’m seeing a therapist already, and a few months ago I finally managed to get a plebe job at a retailer, but when it comes to doing my personal work that would open doors in my industry I just can’t seem to find the time and motivation to do it.
Don’t get me wrong. I got plenty of time available, I just find myself being ridiculously avoidant or distracted or tired, you get the idea. And, no, I don’t use social media much, I don’t videogame or binge shows. I just get distracted with house chores or simply overthinking.
I’ve already tried lists, planning and goal setting ( all this comes naturally to me), but it makes no difference.
I’ve tried reducing the expectations and goals, no difference. I still don’t do anything.
I tried apps to keep track of my progress; also useless.
I’ve even considered finding a life coach, but I get the feeling they’re a scam. Unfortunately I don’t have any friends or relatives that can help me stay on track with my goals.
TLDR I’m getting a bit desperate here. Any suggestions welcome. Thanks.
Perhaps it’s not procrastinating, but instead it’s executive dysfunction. Or not but from someone who has really bad executive dysfunction, that kinda sounds like it.
Perhaps talk to your therapist about that, and perhaps some research as lots of times people with executive dysfunction think it’s just procrastination which are two separate things.
I’ll look into this as I’m not familiar with it. Cheers
They only advice I can give you is there is no trick or fix. You are going to fail and that is okay. You have to think of it like a muscle. You don’t start with 600 lbs weights. You start at like a 6 lbs weights and work your muscles up.
Building focus is the same way create very small goals maybe it’s write one paragraph of your resume then stop. You built up your motivation muscle just a little bit.Then when that becomes a habit add more goals and maybe bigger goals as you go along.
The biggest issue I find is people make goals around results and sometimes those results are not in your control. So people think they failed their goal and got discouraged but framing your goals about what you are doing keeps you going. As you celebrate the accomplishment of the journey of doing not achieving as that is just a byproduct of what you are doing.
Don’t sabotage Slef. He’s a good dude, who’s had a hard life.
In all seriousness, though, I’d love an answer to this as well. It’s hard once you find yourself in a cycle of procrastination. You get used to allowing yourself to put things off, and it makes it harder to get back into the habit of doing them right when you should.
A few things that help me:
Do it right now. Remember that you left that important thing in the car? Haul your ass out there and get it now, because it gets trampled under foot and lost. Eat a bowl of cereal? Wash the bowl now, not later. Later doesn’t ever get here. There’s always more later when you think later is going to be.
Meditation. Try it. If nothing else, you get a nice little break from whatever your normal routine is, which in itself can help you shake things up. 5 minutes of deep breathing and focus can do wonders. I’m not great at meditating, and sometimes I wonder if I’m even actually doing it, but 5 minutes of breathing is better than not doing 5 minutes of breathing.
Set really small goals. Like, ridiculously sillily small goals. Goals you’d set for a small child. It will feel silly, and childish, and you maybe will feel embarrassed about it, but “I will brush my teeth” or “I will clean that dish” or “I will wash my face”
They’re things you’re going to do anyway, but turning them into a goal gives you a sense of accomplishment, and allows you to get into a habit of completing goals. Gradually increase the goals, and gamify life. It makes you feel accomplished, gives you a sense of progression, and helps to set a pattern you can use going forward.
I hope these things help, or that you find something that does.
This will sound dumb, but I’m saying it sincerely.
I’ve had similar issues (without getting into details), but what worked for me was getting outside a couple times a week. By that I mean bringing a tent or hammock + tarp and sleeping outside a couple nights a week on workdays.
To be specific: I sleep outside Monday-Tuesday and Wednesday-Thursday. On those days I also make my dinner at my campsite. What I’ve found is that my brain goes into a much more “primal” state of “monke outside in cold, monke get shit done”, and that it propagates into my day and week.
The barrier to this is of course actually going outside, but I’ve been able to get to a place where I have a “deal with myself” about those two nights a week. I always have my pack ready, so it’s just about grabbing it and heading out- I think that’s key.
I’m not saying this is a solution for everyone, but it’s done wonders for me. As of now, I get restless and feel bad if I’m in a situation where I can’t get outside at least once a week. It brings me a peace of mind and will to get stuff done that nothing else can.
this sounds absolutely wonderful. I need to go camping alone sometime.
Imo, guilt and/or fear is holding you back from the industry. Forgive yourself and everything else about the past situation somehow. Every job has the potential to be different even in the same industry. There are a lot of books and techniques that help to process blame, guilt and fear. This and what everyone else is saying.
I agree with you. My problem isn’t rational understanding of what’s happening to me but actually finding a method to get over it. To make an analogy, knowing what disease you have doesn’t make it go away.
I sent you one that I use probably everyday. It’s amazing how we make decisions that our brains try to help with, but gets messed up because they conflict. Your therapist should be able to help with more.
Thank you, I’ll give it a try!
I’m sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I’ll give my perspective anyway.
Why do you care about getting “back in your industry/career”? Yeah you did it previously, but is it really what makes you happy?
When you have goals, you always think “once I reach this, everything will be better”. In my experience and with everyone I ever talked with, this was never the lasting case. Reaching some nice goal gave satisfaction for days or sometimes even weeks or months, but never longer. Then it was back to dissatisfaction and another goal.
The common path frequently described out of depression is getting back into the groove of setting goals, following them, not being satisfied, setting another goal, repeat. This is not how I got out of my depression and also not a good life.
I don’t think it’s important that you reach your goal of getting back in your industry or whatever. I think it’s important that you’re fine with not reaching it. I think it’s important to recognize that you can be happy and satisfied right where you are, exactly with what you have.
