• Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          edit-2
          16 days ago

          You can do all things through christ.

          Sign up today, christ subscription service. Basic services start at just 10% your household income. With the power of Jesus^tm right at your finger tips you will be able to clasp your hands and pray for:

          That sweet new jacuzzi

          The love and admiration of NFL hero Patrick Mahomes

          A larger and wider penis/vigina

          A billion doll hairs

          Don’t let modernity ruin your daily life with doubt and uncertainty. Let Jesus^tm give you hope that will fuel your mindless toil while you work until the day you die.