mvilain

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because they didn’t have chickens back then.

I’d love for some enterprising IRS auditor to find out what churches she appeared in, then send each of them an audit notice letter. They’ve lost their IRS tax exemption.

Old Chemists never die. We just fail to react.

Tried to unsubscribe at start of the year when they added commercials to Prime Videos. Wouldn’t let me cancel. I could set my subscription to NOT RENEW but I could not cancel it and get a pro-rated refund. So I’ll keep it until December with it constantly reminding me how much I save on postage with Prime. Won’t really change my usage patterns. I’ll just group my purchases until shipping is free. No more 50lbs of cat litter drop shipped overnight for $2.50.

Is it my imagination or are these dim-witted assassins getting easier to catch. Trump didn’t even get to bandage his ear this time.

I wonder if the owner is booking a flight to a non-extraditable country or if he’s going to go private.

I predict the deceased’s executor will have to sue Wells Fargo for their last paycheck. They’ll claim they were working the full 4 days since they were found. And entitled to overtime since they’re hourly rather than salaried.

Now if it was crunchy peanut butter, I woulda accused the guy of being a pervert.

They didn’t even mention BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. Millennials have no sense of tradition.

Someone should suggest Clarence play a game of solitare. If the Chinese can Manchurian someone, I’m sure Putin’s got something similar.

Redit blocked my VPN connection. Fuck them.