Praise the code! 🤘

I had a unique upbringing. My father was an illiterate dyslexic (and maybe autistic himself) and he is fuckin weird - to put bluntly. That side of my family never really understood neurodivergence per-se, but they understood that everyone’s a little weird - but we embraced that we’re VERY weird. Hanging out with my dad’s extended family is a lot of flailing, weird humor, and zany shenanigans and they embraced every moment.

My mother by contrast was more “abled” but she relished the “weirdness” that my father had in spades. Her own family had a bit of a zany streak as well - with my maternal Grandfather very obviously being undiagnosed autistic and having his own brand of severely understated and jump-scare humor.

Masking was entirely unnecessary in my family - and I can recognize the state pretty easily. It’s more mentally relaxed, less hypervigilant, and generally more comfortable.

It was great not having to mask in my childhood - until I went to school and it suddenly wasn’t a good thing.

Learning my masks was an absolutely agonizing process because “being myself” wasn’t acceptable “out there”. I felt so out of place compared to my peers. I was also bullied relentlessly to the point of PTSD. My masks eventually became automatic through the tumultuous times. It wasn’t until my diagnosis in my early 30’s that I even began to understand what it all was, and start deconstructing the masks.

Unmasking was as easy as accessing a “younger” me and simply not caring about the social results. (to a point)

For my echolalia, I don’t hold back my vocal stimming anymore. I used to feel embarrassed and self conscious around it. Now I embrace it and have fun with it. Will you get movie trailer voice me or death metal voice me? Who knows!? Will I throw a random phrase using an English accent into an otherwise monotone statement, yoooouuu bet!

For my special interests, I LET my excitement bubble over. Sure, I might need to regain my composure from time to time, but hiding my excitement about these things nearly destroyed me. I try not to be hyper-focused though so as to allow natural conversational flow, but I also don’t overly police myself anymore.

There’s a few other things, but it’s hard to reflect on them all.

Ultimately I’m unsure how helpful my experience is to others - it’s a bit unique having a deep family culture of being really weird. I think that really helps me put my guard down and unmask. If I didn’t have these memories, finding my unmasked state would be a LOT harder.

Oh yes, totally understood. I’ve seen families destroyed from sports gambling and other, less boisterous forms of it.

If I like anything, it’s scratchers and it’s because they’re soooooo satisfying to “play”. But it’s only something I indulge in occasionally.

Anyways, I tried to get into MMO’s back in the early days with all my friends. I tired of it fairly quickly. I guess the novelty seeking part of my brain overwhelmingly rejects typical “gambling” mechanics. Loot boxes don’t do anything for me and never have.

More recently I’ve grown completely frustrated with franchises like Forza Horizon and their little slot machine / skinner box mechanic. I love racing games, but it made me stop playing.

I can be addicted to things, but it just isn’t gambling for me somehow.

I do resent MMO’s for destroying so many of my friend’s lives though. Weird to lose people to that ecosystem, it’s the video game equivalent to losing someone to an MLM.

Also fuuuuuck, MLMs, almost did the “vector marketing” (cutco cutlery) and “rainbow vacuum” thing - the only thing that saved me was that Youtube had existed for like 5 years by then and there was enough people out there with their stories.

I never understood this one. I have ADHD and autism and I find gambling boring as hell. With maybe the exception of blackjack. Where my autistic brain tries to count cards.

I remember the day I turned 21. I decided to try out a casino. I spent $50 there and promptly left. Maybe I just lucked out and they didn’t hook me with an easy win early on?

I’d much rather spend $50 on a video game that I can entertain myself with for hours.

One unique tip that I have is to go to a CBD/Hemp store and snag some CBD heavy strains to mix in with your normal bud. Making sure to increase the % of CBD each time you grind.

It might not help immediately, since CBD is supposed to be a calming substance, not a stimulant. But quitting smoking is a whole lot easier once you are mostly on the CBD stuff.

Definitely avoid the CBG heavy hemp as that’ll just give you the gnarliest munchies you’ll ever have in your life. Some people swear it’s “smart weed” - but for me I can’t think straight when munchies are knocking.

What?

My sense of “safe” is food.

Yay comorbid undiagnosed eating disorders!