I mean, you start with admitting your failure at reading comprehension. Why should I explore your reply further?

Looking through it diagonally - your choice of words, like “bitter”, “whine” and “entitledness” doesn’t really raise expectations.

The first part is some picture of me painted by your imagination without regard for my comments which admittedly contain a lot of text, often redundant.

The second part is pure demagogy without any essence with some traits of how people bad at motivational rhetoric imagine it.

I mean, however I would feel about various events in my life, I’m happy (literally, this comparison makes me feel much better right now) I’m not you.

If you are reading this expecting to find some answer to your opinions on me, and not a description of you, there will be none.

No, the “negativity and positivity” folks are the kind I don’t wanna even to argue with. No, thanks.

One my friend, 7 years older than me, still depends on his parents to pay his rent. He talks like you about “negativity” and “positivity”, a lot. It would seem that attracting people is one of the few things he can do. He is my friend regardless of faults and mistakes, but if I were like you, he probably wouldn’t be.

Another my friend blabbers about “negativity and positivity” too, but sometimes posts really long walls of hardly-comprehensible maniacal texts at 2 AM involving lots of emotions. She doesn’t want to visit a psychiatrist. On a brighter side, she’s the only person which talks to me after the rejection just as well as before, and the rejection itself she managed to do right - simply by being human.

This is not a reason. I have a friend with the same amount of “negativity” as myself, that friend is a girl too, though. Helped me through hard times. She does have same problems as I do, but for girls it’s different.

And my sister’s boyfriend is of the “multiple suicide attempts” kind and his relative cheerfulness doesn’t quite seem cheerful.

And my cousins’ dad has PTSD from war, he’s a very cheerful man often, but he doesn’t treat “negativity” as something justifying what you justify.

Other than that, you having a cold or a food poisoning is also unattractive. Same with depression. These things come and go.

It’s cowardly and disgusting to discard people for this reason. I wouldn’t do that, I’m just surprised every time that for others it’s normal.

Also if you do that, then at least be direct and don’t behave as if it’s another’s fault, because that another is going to waste lots of effort and emotion to find out that they’ve done nothing wrong, it’s just that your parents have failed.

EDIT: Yep, didn’t want to argue that and wrote a rant.

You’re positively comparing something you do to lynching.

No, I’m obviously comparing things acceptable to others “just because I don’t want to bother being kinder and more respectful and having a normal direct conversation” which I’m not doing to lynching.

Also just ascribing wrong meanings to what I say or write or do (and not even trying to clarify those) is one of the main surface reasons I have these problems. At least every one openly expressed by the other side is attributing some position or opinion to me which clearly isn’t the reality.

While there is that principle of “who wants, looks for opportunities, and who doesn’t, looks for excuses”, it’s still unclear for me whether there is some reason people are unwilling to express though I’m literally asking for it, or just explaining themselves is really so hard, so it’s about misunderstandings.

Or maybe girls just see my attempts to clarify things as lack of dignity and weakness, which would be the opposite to what I think.

Above all else that’s why you’re single. Well the reason behind it is.

I mean, independently of that question, above all else you are just illustrating that wrong category of humans I’m talking about.

They too like to interpret my words however they like to justify their behavior, while openly trying to prevent me from clarifying what I meant which would make their interpretation wrong. It’s really sad when someone won’t even criticize you honestly.

And when it’s a girl I care for, I can’t treat her opinion as easily as yours, it becomes some center of existence, heart of humanity for me. That is a problem, yes. Only it alone doesn’t explain everything. There still should be something explaining why that girl wouldn’t break up without almost saying I am defective. It usually does coincide in time with her becoming that center of existence, but why does that create negative vibes or something, I don’t know.

And you’re not describing something desirable. Like looking for someone fun may not result in something great but looking for people you feel good around who want the same thing as you does result in amazing things.

People with cold are not fun, people with broken limbs are not fun, people with food poisoning are not fun. They also may not want the same thing as you. They are actually kinda miserable and uninteresting while still sick. Same for people with depression.

Somehow I don’t just discard friends who got sick. Others usually don’t as well. But somehow with depression it becomes normal for many people.

Humanity is irrelevant here. What about the humanity of the other people. Willing association is key. Divorce is sacred

It’s relevant to what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about people just cutting it down long after you’ve expressed most of what you’d want to express about yourself, down to the core, and then not taking any effort to make it less painful.

Silently and abruptly, looking at you the “oh, it’s so bad that you are so miserable, but just get lost, you’re annoying” way, and when being asked a to give some idea as to why, saying both not very specific and rather unpleasant things like “you should do something to your emotions” and “you have an image of a teenager” and “a shaking leaf taking lots of time for basic social actions”.

I’m not talking about unwillingness, but when you aren’t willing to associate anymore, and that does hurt another person, it would be decent to say some parting words with more meaning than, in short, “you look and behave kinda cute, which is why I started talking to you, but you are really not alpha enough with those emotions for me, so sad you exist”. That is, maybe if I should do something about those emotions, then she herself should also be a bit more tactful and not just go with the hormones and vibes ape path while breaking up?

Divorce is sacred

You’ve used another short sentence with the same meaning as the previous one, as if you have me figured out completely and that reprise in your comment as an artful mean is worth more effort. Since it falls completely off-target, that looks stupid.

Be who you want to be and accept that not everyone wants that person.

That’d be easy when rejected outright. Not when your contacts with the person you like have made you lower your guard and start believing that they may accept you, and then they just … throw you out.

I’m starting to appreciate the traditional way, where you know whom you can meet and possibly marry and whom you can’t. It’s a cultural thing, and some people’s upbringing is just incompatible with mine. I wouldn’t ever do anything like that to a person who’d like me even if I didn’t like them, it’s like throwing out a dog or a cat.

A bit like those societies where lynching is normal - if it’s a crowd doing it, then it’s not a crime. So having grown up in many families, girls and boys think that if for some reason another side seems weak or ill or depressed and in general not fun, that requires no effort on their side, just look for someone more fun, no humanity required. I fail to see how such people are going to create families of their own and have children, though.

No, this doesn’t help. A specific person you care for can’t be diminished into that general “attention” thing.

So you look at yourself more critically. Then something like what’s described in the post happens, and then you still feel pain, but it’s dull and you can’t locate it, so to say, because in the universe you imagine after such advice you’ll find plenty of reasons you are flawed and nobody should look at you.

And then after some time you understand that the pain is there because really everybody has flaws, “that other guy” included. It’s just that you haven’t been accepted and “that other guy” has been. Somehow your flaws were worse and your advantages not as significant as those of “that other guy”.

And - everybody wants to be accepted, without being the best and the coolest. Just for being a human.

Trust me, you’ll find an official to bribe in such a situation in Eastern Europe. This is a PR move, to arrest some from time to time and show that in the news. Happens regularly.