It sounds like you’ve developed depression and it’s making your ADHD symptoms worse.

See a therapist if you can afford it, or at least a regular doctor and get some antidepressants

I understand completely. I’m over 40, and my normal day is: go to work, come home, smoke weed and hang out with my wife. She needs the TV running at all times, and it’s near impossible for me to look away from it when it’s on.

Sometimes I think about all the things we could be doing and I feel disappointed in myself, but aside from chores that get put off a little longer than they should, there’s not really anything else I want to be doing. I’m depressingly content in my mediocrity. (Does that count as a paradox?)

As someone else said, they feel guilty diving into an obsession, and I agree completely. I think I’d love to jump into Balder’s Gate, but my wife has no interest in watching me do that, so I’d feel guilty about not spending that time with her. And yes, I realize that we are allowed to have our own interests, but a game like that could absorb me for a whole night and it would only feel like a moment to me.

Career-wise, yes, in my experience.

When you start out in junior positions, you don’t tend to have a lot of autonomy in your work life. Other people are setting priorities, deadlines etc, and you’re just along for the ride.

As your career advances, you tend to take on more leadership duties. You’re more responsible for managing your own work, and then eventually other peoples’ as well. This is where executive functioning deficits tend to start to really hit home.

It’s not for nothing that a lot of people get diagnosed in middle age.

This may be adult disenchantment. I think this is a general progression of how we see the world.

I personally still have a ton of awesome things to deal with etc, but absolutely, diving into fantasy dreamworlds is farer away

Dealing with this as well. Pretty crippling when I find myself without an engaging hobby. It got really bad during the COVID years.

Finding the slow plod out of the depths has be helped by creative activities. I have about 5 projects on the go currently. As ambitious as making a video game to as unimportant as making a small felted sheep.

I didn’t get my diagnosis till I was in my 40s but I found the professional acknowledgement to be helpful. I find it a lot easier to forgive myself for the wasted time and unfinished projects. I’ve also found the ability to forgive myself makes returning to dormant projects a lot easier.

I recently moved to the back and beyond (not helpful at all) but it highlighted how important it is to have people that move you away from your patterned behaviors. Face to face time with another person with ADHD and the same interests is a gold mine for helping break routine getting you to engage and making you feel positive about who and what you are.

Don’t get down on yourself for not being able to find the answers right away. Look for the small things that make life easier and the moments that tend to sap you of energy and limit those (I wear only white tshirts and jeans, have 30 odd pairs of the exact same socks to avoid decision fatigue around getting dressed).

Not sure if it’s helpful but I’m a post 40 child and I’m still finding new things to do. I don’t do as well with learning as I used to but I can attest to the fact that you can still get good at lots of stuff. I’ve learned things like knitting, mountain bikeing, programming, stone masonry, car repair all fairly competently all in my late 30s early 40s.

For me the no.1 take away is self forgiveness. When you can stop wasting energy on the fact that you didn’t accomplish what you wanted, realize that we are biologically hardwired to feel that way and instead give yourself a high five for trying, it definitely gets easier.

Best of luck, hope you get a chance at some point to

You like board games? My wife and I are usually on Boardgamearena.com playing games with each other.

It probably won’t add much purpose to your life, but might keep you occupied. My username is the same there if you could use a game buddy!

This really resonates with me. It certainly feels like it gets harder to manage every year, but I don’t know that that’s actually the case. I think the reality is just that I’ve become much more aware of my deficiencies over time.

As a child I wouldn’t bat an eye at playing video games for 10 hours straight without eating or drinking anything, but as an adult I’m aware that I could be doing so much more productive things with my time. Now, if I ever feel the familiar urge of a new fixation setting in I also feel melancholic because I have to actively temper myself to the point I feel guilty if I indulge it.

I don’t think it gets harder with time - but, as an executive dysfunction, I think having more decisions to make is more difficult. When you were a kid you’d have parents directing a lot of your life but now you need to make all those decisions yourself. Additionally, I’m sure that stress doesn’t help… having additional stress as an adult will just make everything harder.

I feel pretty much the same way… Do you feel more lonely than before your excitement run out?

I felt that being like 15 years old, then got excited over one girl (that worked as a temporary solution), then she ditched me, so I have a good fat trauma to return to if bored.

This is the first time I’ve seen someone else describe exactly how I have been feeling every single day for the last few years. Like, to a T.

You described my life

If you’re working at it, then it should become more automatic - it should take less conscious effort to keep from doing things that are problematic.

It’s a practice thing, just like learning other stuff. ADHD responds very well to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - where you essentially re-write the scripts we all operate by. But it takes time and practice - the repitition of substituting a new internal dialog for any given thought process/script.

To that end, 2 books may be helpful:

Adults and ADHD - this is good for seeing how it functions in adults VS kids.

Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne Dyer. Early “self help” book, but he’s actually teaching Cognitive Behavioural Therapy without calling it that. Just showing how we use our internal dialog without thinking about it.