The perfect way to mourn your mundane life.
Most of these make sense but its from a very privileged perspective.
2pm: have a meeting of max 1 hour.
3pm: end of work day, start prepping diner.
7pm: done with diner, wash the twenty pans and nine oven trays.
7:30pm: more weightlifting, more testosterone = more better.
9pm: time for bed, a good night rest starts early!Social life is a waste of time 99% of the time, just take those antidepressants more often.
“Work for 3 hours”
Sure, I actually agree, I get more done in 3 hours than my coworkers do in a day. But it’s not like I’m going to get to go home after that. I’ll just get to sit and do nothing for the rest of the day looking busy.
deleted by creator
My biggest criticism is that I’m not really the one who sets my meeting schedule, even when I’m the one who sends the invite. Unless your entire company has a “no meetings until 2pm” policy this isn’t really doable. Especially if you work with people in multiple time zones.
I only got to institute this when I started working for myself. It took me a year or two to realise. For all clients or all agencies I sub for I have a strict no meetings before 930am rule. I haven’t told anyone why - my calendar is just blocked out so each probably individually thinks I have some recurring appointment with another client. Nup. I’m in bed drinking my coffee. I’m a shit sleeper, if I manage at all. I spent decades working to the early birds’ schedule. Fuck that.
But it is a privilege and very few can achieve that working in a company. It’s gross to suggest to people they can just do it. I know my situation is niche. To suggest otherwise is arrogant and ignorant.
Also the same, been doing it for roughly a decade now. Outside of a once a year emergency I don’t start work until after lunch. I just say ‘I have other commitments in the morning’. I’ve had some PM’s push early in client engagements but it’s never escalated more then that. I just make the boundaries super clear and am always willing to walk away.
A lot of these LinkedIn lunatic posts are absurd. This one seems totally reasonable, healthy, and leaves plenty of time for hobbies and family/friends.
Minus the meeting time restriction. Dunno how you manage that unless you’re the owner of the company.
Hey, bud. I can’t leave the office after just getting there to go lift weights. I also have zero control over 80% of the meetings I attend. Dude has no idea how privileged he is.
Saying NO is a superpower!
“Hey, Sanctus. Where are you going? I was hoping you’d finish that report before noon?”
NO
“Uh, OK? Guess I’ll see you at the meeting with our main customer then.”
NO
See how easy that is?
Mate, it’s impossible to work with you, we’ll have to make you redundant, I’m sorry.
NO
“fuck, he’s got us. We’ll have to regroup and think of another tactic.”
while curling 50 lb. dumbbells
Reminds me of that one scene in the first episode of Coupling where Jane refuses to be dumped.
Its really easy until everyone complains I’m saying no, my review scores drop, and I get fired. Idk what kind of heaven exists out there where you can actually say no without the rest of the office dogpiling you like rabid corporate zombies but its not the place I work at. I could say no once, that person hold a vendetta, and give me a 1/10 on my review, costing me a raise. Its absolutely a fucking Klingon culture up in here.
Saying no is a superpower, just not in the way the author of the original post intended. As comments like yours highlight, saying no to nonsense work is out of reach for the vast majority of people who would most benefit from it (i.e. workers who are bothered by managers). It sounds like your workplace is especially gruelling in that respect.
Its a slog for no reason, it doesnt have to be like this at all. The “leaders” create and actively maintain this environment. I have given whole presentations on how to fix it. They want it to remain a brutal revolving door.
It sounds like your coworkers lack honor! Perhaps it is time for them to experience Bij…
How’s your shift going? Looks like a pretty busy morning! Hey could you please make sure you catch the markdown on the bread? The bakery counter didn’t cover up the old barcode properly.
NO
Wake up at 5:30 and not have to deal with any bullshit from anyone else until 2pm sharp. 8.5 uninterrupted hours for long walks, “deep work,” and weightlifting. You know, the typical work day.
This schedule is completely unrealistic even with privilege
No meetings until 2pm? Doesn’t matter what industry you’re in, guarantee you interact with industries that work 8-4 and will not bend over backwards to schedule you at the end of their day. Like does this person just not go to the doctor? Or deal with banking issues?
-
wake up whenever, alarm usually goes off 8:30. Maybe i hit snooze a buncha times
-
start work at 10. Wfh, pants optional
-
work according to load, mostly fart about house.
-
Take a long walk for lunch, usually blow out my step requirements
-
fuck off work 3:30, go fuck around in garden until sun sets
-
big fat dinner sitting on my arse watching telly with hubs, then gaming after he goes to bed at 9ish
-
bed around 1ish under fat purring cat.
Pretty much my routine to a tee.
Fantastic, isn’t it
5:30 h/day? My man living the dream
Nah, IT. Work driven. Somedays are five hours, some are 28 hours
some are 28 hours
Ouch, crowdstrike?
Oh hell no thank fuck. Avoided that shitshow
-
Did they draw hyperlinks in their notebook?
Tldr guy only works 3 hours a day
deleted by creator
Exactly.
My work routine is somewhat similar to OP’s, but flipped (meetings from 9-11, actual work from 1-3 or 1-4). I wish it was flipped, but still, 2-3 uninterrupted time is plenty to get real work done. That happens more consistently on my WFH days, though I can occasionally get real work done in the office (WFH 3x/week).
I mean, same honestly. Thank god for remote working (but if any hiring managers are reading I totally work all day at home).
3 hours a day is pretty solid, but don’t tell the blue collars
In all seriousness, 3 hours of actual solid work, uninterrupted by meetings or whatever… That’s not as unusual as it might sound. This survey puts the average worker at <3 productive hours per day, and this one at around 4 hours.
Office workers*
They know, they knew before we admitted it to each other.
Blue collar here. I love my job most days, but there are times I envy you guys that don’t have a solid 8 hours of work packed into almost every day. Makes the workday fly by though.
I honestly envy blue collar workers. I do about 2-3 hours of actual work in a given day, but I’m “working” for like 8-9 hours because of BS meetings and whatnot, which makes the day absolutely crawl. If I could set my own schedule, I could get about twice the work done, but I’m in a leadership position so I need to be available for others.
- wake up at 5:30am
Fuck right off.
I wake up earlier than that these days yet i somehow manage to stay far less smug about it. Though i will gladly fuck off, it’s a ridiculous time to be waking up
Most people don’t get a chance to do those things. Wake up, commute while sending off kids, work dreadful shit, collect kids, shop, make dinner, relax15 minutes, pass out, repeat.
Except. bank holiday comes 6 times a year. Cheers.
Yes, I’d like to see this list with four home school kids lol
It’s like going to battle, and in war, the enemy also makes plans!
And to quote Mike, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
Well, if one has such a miserable worker-bee-life, why the heck would one want to make it even worse with kids? And what future would that one give his/her kids? The same bright one? We all make our own beds, don’t we?
Believe it or not, kids bring joy to an otherwise bland life. As for the kids’ future, you can do a lot with a little, just spending what little time you have at the end of the day w/ your kids can help them surpass where you were able to get to.
Source: all of my siblings have better jobs than my parents did, and that’s because they prioritized education and spending time w/ us.
Bland life without kids? Absolutely not. I do everything i love with the person i love the whole day. We travel a lot, whenever we desire to. Sometimes just a spontaneous trip to who-the-fuck-cares for however long we want. Do that with kids. No thanks. We don’t even want the responsibility of a pet. Just costs time and money we rather spend on ourselves. Having to wrap my life all around one single tiny human…ohgod no. THAT i would call a bland life. Maybe even while working some job? I wouldn’t find the time for that now, let alone when i would be forced to work too.
Glad it turned out well for you, but in tendency kids of poorer upbringing remain poor or at least have it way harder. But that’s not the point. It was just about my lack of willingness to be slave to a tiny human for at least 18yrs of MY life.
PS: don’t get me wrong. If you have to have a child for whatever reason, the love and care surely outweighs its monetary safety. Though, depending on where one lives, said lacking monetary safety can become a sad regret in a worst case. I, totally personally, wouldn’t gamble on that.
Bland life without kids?
I didn’t say not having kids makes life bland, I said if your life is bland, having kids can help. It can also make it worse, so you need to figure out for yourself if having kids would bring fulfillment.
Oh. Oops. But i dunno. Is “my life is bland, let’s have a kid to maybe rock it up” really a good reason to procreate? Or more in the sense like “at least i would have a purpose in life”?
I didn’t say that. Read my second sentence again.
So. I did get it right. You didn’t make a point at all,except people should - or shouldn’t have a kid based on what they want. Which already is the way it is.
Step 8: wake up for real this time. It’s 9:30 and you’re late.
Steps 1-7 was just you dreaming about having your shit together.
I used to do that in high school, set my alarm early to do the homework I didn’t do the night before, I would feel super productive until I woke up for real, late, and with unstarted homework still on the floor.
Terms like “connect”, “be present”, “superpower” tell me this is not for the average working person, but the higher paid bosses of such people who can do whatever they want.
It was the “no meetings before 2pm” and “3 hours of no distraction” that gave it away for me.
Here’s my morning routine:
-
Wake up at 8 (assuming a crying baby doesn’t wake me up sooner)
-
Change diapers
-
Spend time with my wife and sons
-
Walk to the grocery store with my toddler (3500 steps round trip or so)
-
Drink a kombucha on the way home (coffee raises my cholesterol and gives me awful anxiety symptoms)
-
Change diapers
-
Take my toddler to the playground, weather permitting
-
Have lunch with my wife and sons
-
Read books to my toddler, change his diaper, and put him down for a nap
-
Think about how I’m leaving the USA next year partially because American work culture is absolute trash
I’m on paternity leave and it’s been the best part of my career. As in not working at all is the best part of my career. How fucked is that?
I would gladly change diapers and hang out with screaming kids all day instead of dealing with my dumb ass coworkers and people who can’t honor a meeting invite planned weeks out but then expect me to “hop on a quick call” which then achieves nothing. Between the constant threat of layoffs and losing my livelihood and the political backdrop of having my family deported because they’re too dark a shade of brown and speak Spanish sometimes?
Fuck this place. I’m out.
Dealing with my toddler is frequently more rational than dealing with my coworkers. Most of em are good, but the ones that are outside my normal bubble drive me insane.
Paternity leave was the best part of my job, too. I wish I got more, and it’s criminal that many dads get very little, if any.
Also I don’t really know the best way to say “sorry for this weird mess of a country,” but I’m sorry. That sounds very stressful to say the least.
But no one died for your routine. A real mourning routine allocates time to remember those who have passed. /s
-
“No meetings before 2pm”, “saying no is a superpower” yeah brill mate I’ll just say no to my boss multiple times a morning forever and absolutely won’t get fired for being difficult thanks Matt xo
Sounds horrible. Here’s mine:
- Stand up when woken up and feeling like it.
- look into my wife’s cute face.
- we make food, watch star trek, drink tea
- decide how and where we’re gonna spend the day. Gaming? Binging? Pool? Museum? Zoo? Just driving around with no goal? Shopping-tour? Visit some city? Some voluntary work to help those less fortunate? Doing absolutely nothing?
- end the day in peace whenever we feel like it.
Oh yes. No kids, no pets.
Oh yes. No kids, no pets.
No job?
Or is this just a weekend routine?
OP could be retired.
Yes. No job. Retired somewhere mid-20s. With 2 occasional let’s-try-something-new-job for some months since then. That was nearly 3 decades ago. So, weekend only matters because, where we live, life slowly withers saturdays and is dead as a doornail on Sundays 😁
I read that as you retired in your mid-20s, not that you retired in 2020.
Oh. Right. My 20s not THE 20s 😁
Here’s mine:
- Wake up when the neighbour above me slams their door
- Glance over at my phone and realize I have an hour still
- Bask in that extra hour sleep without actually sleeping
- Groggily get up, shower
- Walk to the station, buy a coffee
- And wait for the next autopilot routine to kick in
I’m so sorry man. Capitalism just sucks for the vast majority. It’s not my system-of-choice, even if i highly profit of it. It’s humanity’s bane and ultimate end.
Eh, it’d be the same routine under socialism but the end goals would be different.
I’d hope for it to be even more fair. Housing for all, healthcare for all, public transport… All the shit that shouldn’t be a for-profit but is. Unless you’re a landlording insurance-ceo that owns trains. Then the current system just rocks.
That’s the ideal, but I imagine there’d be a great deal of equity required to get the ball rolling, and people wouldn’t immediately change households to build a new utopia, but would likely have to go through the arduous process of either doing the work, or setting up the committees to do the work.
The end goal would be different, but I imagine it would be the same daily slog, just with perhaps slightly better hours, and maybe less enthusiasm for doing it since the threat of homelessness and starvation would no longer dangle above our heads.
A small minority would bounce out of bed every morning with a burning passion to complete the mission, but I think that same minority tend to be the ones who happily work dog hours and dog wages in feel-good startups
Okay. This daily-slog shouldn’t really be a thing. Ideally. People shouldn’t just do shit just to do shit. But to do shir because it’d need to be done and they kinda are fine with it. Not everyone’s fine with collecting garbage like not everyone’s fine to do rocket science. To fuel the stereotyoes. But some are fine doing one or the other. Or anything in between. It should be catered to that. Ok, now my shit sounds like utopia…
That’s a psychopath’s handwriting.
Wake up at 5:30am
Counter offer: go to hell
